too much
by Happii Haden
Summary: The next monday morning Sasori came to work looking exhausted as always. He was the first one to arrive, throwing himself into his office like usual. He worked nonstop, not even noticing that his coworkers had finally came in. He reached for his coffee only to grab air. His eyebrow arched in confusion. It suddenly occurred to him that Deidara had not stopped by.
1. Chapter 1

Hope this is enough for now 0:

Genre: Dark/Romance

WARNING: dark themes lie ahead

Word Count: 5788

Rated: M

Naruto © Kishimoto

Story © Happii Haden

* * *

Sasori could only stare in astonishment. He couldn't believe this was happening to him. And in the breakroom at work nonetheless. He looked down at the blond, holding a box open on one knee. There was just no way.

"Oh my gosh!" several of the female works squealed. "Are you going to say yes!?"

Sasori looked to his coworkers, then at the young suited blond. He felt his mouth go dry and his mind falter. His heart was racing.

"Well?" the blond smiled sweetly.

How could anyone turn that beautiful man down? Who would turn him down?

Nobody could.

"Deidara… I-I… Yes!"

Sasori clenched his jaw and swiftly turned his head as the woman being proposed to jumped into her new fiance's arms. He could feel his blood boiling in anger and misery. He couldn't believe this. How could the love of his life propose to someone who wasn't him? Well, it was simple. Deidara wasn't his. Deidara wasn't his lover. He was somebody else's. Sasori loved him so much, but the blond would never know.

He could see the couple clinging to each other like it was nobody's business. He could see the shine from the brand new ring around the woman's finger. It pierced his heart. He stood casually, attempting to walk out of the breakroom to get away from his heartache.

Sasori rushed back to his office, ready to continue to work. As he sat down, he stared mindlessly at his computer screen. Robotically, he began his everyday tasks of writing reports. Although he worked, his thoughts were muddled. His brain barely could contain his thoughts. The words he wish he had said. The words he could say.

He thought about the first time he met the blond.

It was a normal day at work. Everyone in their office, keeping themselves busy with whatever it was they had to do. Then their boss had shown up with a happy-go-lucky blond in tow. He called a short meeting of Sasori's department and introduced the boy. Sasori, being the department manager, got to meet the blond more formally. He was stunned by the man's beauty as he entered his office.

Deidara held himself tall. Blue eyes sparkling like the prettiest mountain spring water. His short golden hair glowing beneath the bright office lights. His smile was burned into Sasori's brain.

It was in that instance that Sasori fell in love. He had never believed in love at first sight, but now he understood. Just seeing that man had him gasping for air. He couldn't understand it, so he pretended he couldn't care less. He acted like the man was nothing more than a child - a brat.

His feelings only came on stronger. Deidara swung by his office frequently. Asking for help, idly chattering, and even bringing him donuts or coffee before offering any of the other coworkers. Sasori did everything in his power to push away those feelings, but the blond just kept on coming back and there was nothing the redhead could do but submit to them. He soon found himself dreaming of the man. Imagining what life at home would be like with him. He found himself wanting the man in every way possible.

Then he met her - Deidara's girlfriend. He had brought her one day to the office and introduced her to everyone. Sasori had been disappointed, but he still loved Deidara all the very same. Until now.

Now he felt threatened. His love was giving himself away to another. For good. Marriage meant something to Sasori, despite his ongoing single status. He believed it meant being with that person until you died. Divorce was not an option for him. Deidara would never be his.

That thought triggered a specific train of thought for Sasori. A thought he never knew he'd have. A disturbing thought. What if… he just took Deidara for himself? Somewhere in the back of his mind, he thought about hiding the blond away from the world. From his fiance. Only for Sasori's eyes. It wouldn't be hard. He could lure him to his home easily enough and without anyone knowing. He could just keep him there.

These thoughts plagued him - following him everywhere he went and it drove him mad. Slowly, he fell into a spiral. He frequented the bar with his coworkers less. He stopped talking at the watercooler. He secluded himself more than he already was. He couldn't stand to be around anyone. Especially Deidara. The redhead was afraid of what he might do if he were to be alone with the boy.

"Sasori! Come to the bar with us!" Deidara had asked out of the blue.

Sasori was initially shocked and obviously declined, but somehow he wound up at the bar with Deidara at his side. He sat next to the blond, mind buzzing with bad thoughts. They weren't alone. Other coworkers had tagged along. To Sasori they didn't exist though. He kept glancing at the boy's drink. It'd be so easy to slip something in there. He wouldn't even notice. Deidara was always busy chatting to someone. Even the bartender seemed too preoccupied to properly keep an eye on his patrons. Sasori stared hard.

"You alright, man?" Deidara asked his senior. "You've been quiet all night."

Sasori broke his gaze and stood up. "It's been a long day and I have work to attend to. Excuse me." He grabbed his coat from the back of the seat and headed toward the door. He could hear Deidara's noise of complaint and his coworker's dismissal. Sasori could care less. He had to get out of there now. Before he could do what he so badly wanted to do.

He sat in his apartment alone in the dark. The only light being his computer. He stared at his work blankly, trying to get it over with. His fingers moved across the keyboard slowly. He just couldn't find it in him to work. His mind was distracted by Deidara. Unable to help himself, he disregarded his work for looking up the blond's social media. He filtered through the boy's feed, examining every like and share the boy posted. Then his eye caught something more personal. Pictures. Sasori's eyes widened with every new picture that he scrolled through. He clicked on a particular one of Deidara smiling and laughing beside his fiance. Sasori zoomed in on the picture, focusing on Deidara's face. God, he was beautiful. The redhead softly stroked the screen, his fingers running across the image of Deidara's face. He wanted to touch the blond's face for real. He looked so soft. A computer screen was not enough.

His printer was a life giver. He had never used the color function before, given he only used his printer for black and white reports. Now his printer spurted beautiful and vibrant colors of different shapes and sizes. Sasori could only stare in amazement at each new picture that printed out. His hands were precise as he cut into the paper, not missing a beat as he cropped out everyone but that pretty face. He swallowed hard, holding up the picture of Deidara. He never had a physical copy of a photo before, as odd as it was. He had seen them of course, but his grandmother hoarded the pictures of his family. Not that Sasori needed them now. With just these photos alone Sasori could make his own family. Him and Deidara.

Then he ran out of paper - his ink dwindling. Sasori wasn't done though. There was still so many pictures to print. He debated with himself. Would it really be reasonable to go out this late just to buy some ink and paper? Sasori thought so.

Soon enough, his walls were covered with glossy and matte pictures of Deidara. Each a perfect cut out of the blond. The redhead could stare at him for hours. And he did. He stared at his walls for hours until he finally fell asleep. Nobody bothered to question his tired eyes, it was normal for the man to look overworked after all.

The pictures only fueled Sasori's desires and his dark thoughts. It was during a grocery shopping trip that he stumbled into another part of the store. It was a part he had passed many times before while shopping there. A camping section with a small hunting section somewhere inside it. He walked around in the section, glancing at each passing object. His hands ran across the surface of those objects. They picked up the coarse rope and pulled at it. It was strong, definitely not something that could break easily. Just enough to restrain someone. It jumped into his cart. Cogs started to turn in Sasori's head. If he were to think about going through with this then he needed to be prepared in all aspects. He couldn't leave behind any ounce of evidence. The amount of items in his cart doubled as he shopped meticulously. It was only once he was in line did he think about how odd it looked to have bought all of those materials at once. His face remained expressionless, but his heart beat wildly.

No one questioned Sasori. He looked too normal. Too sane to have the thoughts of a madman.

His plan didn't stop at the store. He needed to get his hands on something more illegal. The one thing to really put his plan into action. Something he could slip into the blond's drink undetected. He knew what he needed, the internet was a miraculous thing, but he wasn't sure where to find it. After all, this wasn't something easily found at a store. Sasori didn't even really know where to begin looking for such a drug.

It took a couple of weeks, but eventually Sasori managed to figure it all out. Now he just needed the courage to ask the blond out. Of course, this was nothing like a date, but to Sasori just to even ask kind of felt implied. He didn't want to make the other male think he was trying to ask him out, but he also didn't want to invite their other coworkers. He just wanted it to be him and Deidara. So when the blond stopped by later that day, he forced the words out.

"Would you like to grab a drink with me tonight?"

It was a simple question and Sasori had said it with a fluency that startled himself. Deidara had seemed surprised too. Only a few seconds had passed and yet Deidara had already settled on his answer.

"Of course!"

The blond said more after that, but it fell upon deaf ears. Sasori had already heard everything he needed. His heart was pounding and his palms sweating. He couldn't believe Deidara had said yes and with such excitement. It fooled Sasori's heart into believing that he had just agreed to a date. That Deidara wanted Sasori just as much as Sasori wanted Deidara. There was a tingle in the pit of his stomach, the butterflies drunk with love - doing flips and knotting together.

Sasori was excited.

Before heading to the bar that night, Sasori set his plan in motion. He made sure all of his supplies were in the car and ready. He didn't bother to change out of his work attire, but even he couldn't resist freshening up a bit. This was the love of his life after all. He had to look and smell his best. Just maybe Deidara would notice Sasori in a romantic sort of view. Sasori didn't think he was the best looking guy around, but he certainly wasn't ugly. Looks aside, he knew that he could care for Deidara better than anyone else. He was the only one who truly could. He loved Deidara so much.

At the bar, Sasori was surprised to just see Deidara. He assumed that the blond would ask his colleagues to come around, but he saw none. He sat down beside the blond at the bar, pocket heavy with the key ingredient to make Deidara his. He spotted the blond's empty glass and ordered another round for the both of them. It took every ounce of his being to contain his feelings from showing.

"Just us tonight?" Sasori tried to ask casually. He was curious.

Deidara gave him one of those beautiful shy smiles. "You don't seem to really enjoy a big company, yeah. I figured it'd just be better if it were just the two of us. That doesn't bother you does it?"

The redhead had to resist touching him. The way he tilted his head while asking the question. Innocent and sweet, much like a child. All Sasori wanted to do was reach out, cup his cheek and pull him close. To even just kiss him- No, he had to calm down. If he were to get too excited he'd surely slip up. Sasori simply nodded in response, "I don't mind."

Their drinks were slid in front of them and they hit it off from there. Sasori was mostly quiet for the time being, but that was only because he was so intrigued in listening to Deidara. He'd offer a few words here and there. His real goal, however, was just to know everything possible about the blond. Deidara talked a lot, so his wish was granted. The drunker the blond got, the more personal he got. They somehow wound up even closer. Maybe it was due to the sudden presence of people appearing as it got later, or maybe it was because Sasori kept creeping his stool closer. It didn't matter. Deidara didn't notice and no one else cared enough to ask questions.

Sasori couldn't take his eyes off of Deidara. The way his eyebrows arched and furrowed as he retold stories and memories. The way his eyes sparkled with laughter and hazed over with a drunken stupor. The way his thin pink lips curled into a crooked grin as he cackled like a mad man. Sasori felt like his heart was going to burst through his chest at this rate. To be so close to the man he loved. To feel his body brush against his so gently. To smell his cologne every time someone breezed by. To just be holding a normal, non-work related conversation with him. Hell, the blond even managed to get him to take a picture with him. It was as if… as if they were really on a date.

It was when Deidara stumbled to the restrooms that Sasori remembered the drug in his pocket. He discreetly pulled it out, examining it. Now was his chance. His hand trembled as he held the thing. It was no more than a eyedrop amount of liquid. All he had to do was dump it in the blond's drink. Simple. Nobody was looking. He wanted this… right? He did. Of course he did! He wanted Deidara so badly. As if his Deidara covered wall wasn't enough to tell someone that he truly loved that man.

His hand tightened around the capsule. Just break it open and pour it in.

It wasn't fair to Deidara though. Sasori knew this. Even somewhere in his demented mind, he knew that doing this to Deidara would be wrong. Doing this was selfish. Deidara could never love Sasori if he forced him. Deidara had friends, family, and a fiance. He couldn't imagine a life without Deidara, so surely those people in the blond's life would be just as hurt. It was wrong. So wrong. Something was wrong with Sasori, but… but he wanted Deidara so bad. He wanted him so much that it physically hurt to not have him. His hands ached to touch him. To hold him. To pleasure him. To love him with every goddamn fiber of his being.

"S-Sasori, my man," Deidara hiccuped. "Are you alright? Y-You look… a little pale."

His dark thoughts left him as soon as Deidara approached him. His sunshine. His love. Sasori could nearly cry. He wanted to grab him and hold him close and tell him - No, he wasn't alright. He needed Deidara. Only Deidara could save him. Only Deidara could keep his mind and heart sane.

"I'm fine," he lied, hand slipping back into his pocket. "It's getting late and you've certainly had enough."

Deidara stuck his tongue out at his words. "I-I'm not that drunk!" he defended himself. And as if to prove himself wrong, he took a step forward and stumbled.

Sasori immediately caught the blond by the wrist, catching him from falling. He could feel his breath hitch at the contact, but there was no time to even take another breath as Deidara slung himself onto Sasori, using him as a support. The redhead was stunned, frozen in time. Deidara was in his arms.

"I'm n-not that drunk," Deidara insisted. He laid his head against Sasori's shoulder in a tired manner.

"Let's get you home," Sasori finally managed. He tried to control his breathing as he felt Deidara's hands slide over his torso. It was in no means sexual or loving - the man was plastered as hell.

Deidara stumbled beside Sasori, clinging onto the man as if his life depended on it. His hand stopped over Sasori's chest. "You heart is beating really f-fast, yeah," the blond drunkenly observed.

"It's just the alcohol," Sasori quickly uttered, knowing full well that if Deidara had been sober he could've called him out on his bullshit.

"O-Oh…" Deidara mumbled. He watched as the blond felt his own heartbeat. "Mines not that fast?" he slurred.

Sasori pulled the man out of the bar. "How did you get here, Deidara?" he asked, changing the subject hastily.

Deidara hummed, "Uhhhh… the subway?"

Sasori sighed and led the blond to his car. "I suppose I'll have to take you then. Are you able to remember your address?"

Deidara stared blankly, "Ah…"

The redhead licked his lips and swallowed hard. There was no way he could take Deidara back to his apartment. He wouldn't be able to let the blond ever leave him again if he did. "Give me your phone and I'll call your fiance."

Deidara let out a whine of disapproval but easily handed over the phone to Sasori. "She's gonna be mad with me," he pouted.

Sasori let out a short chuckle and without thinking, ruffled Deidara's short blond hair. Maybe if he hadn't had those shots he wouldn't have been so brave as to touch the other man. But he did and now he wish he hadn't. It was just as soft as he imagined it. It only played to his sick fantasies. He could imagine it now - running his hands through it as Deidara arched his back in pleasure. The blond asking for him to pull his hair as he thrust into his lithe body. Sasori had to smash the thoughts down with an imaginary boot. If he continued down that trail of thought he was sure to get aroused. If that happened…

"Ah, Kurotsuchi, correct?"

Deidara nodded.

"Hopefully, she's awake…" Sasori muttered. He called the number and waited for the woman to pick up. He could feel Deidara's body against his. Warm and inviting. He'd give anything to just throw the phone across the parking lot and push Deidara into his car. Just to cuddle with him in his backseat. Just to take him home and give him all the love he would ever need.

" _Deidara! Finally, I was worried sick!"_ the worried voice wavered over the phone.

Sasori gripped the phone tightly. If she was so worried, why didn't she call? Sasori would. Then again, Sasori wouldn't be able to leave Deidara's side. "Ah, sorry to worry you, Kurotsuchi. This is Sasori Akasuna - Deidara's manager."

The woman seemed confused. " _Manager? Is he at work still? He told me he was going to the bar with some coworkers."_

"He did. With me, I mean. He had a bit too much to drink and took the train here. I offered him a ride, but he's too intoxicated to give me an address. I'm sorry if I woke you or-"

" _Oh, no! You didn't wake me! It's alright, really,"_ she interrupted.

Sasori listened as the woman gave him their address. The redhead was surprised to find out that it wasn't too far from his apartment. Getting the blond in the car proved to be a bit of a hassle as the man said he wasn't done drinking yet, but eventually Sasori managed to buckle him in. He was left panting and heart racing as he wrestled with the man. A pressure began to pool in his lower half - his urges coming to life.

He quickly hopped in the driver's seat, trying to cool himself off. He gripped the steering wheel tightly, his knuckles turning white. Deep breaths.

"Sasori?" the blond piped up.

The redhead glanced over at the man, holding back all of his desires. It was so hard to do. "Yes, Deidara?"

"I-I'm sorry, yeah. I didn't m-mean to cause you any t-trouble…" the blond frowned with sad blue eyes.

Sasori shook his head and released his tension off of the steering wheel. "You haven't done any wrong."

"B-But I-"

The redhead cut him off, "Deidara. It's fine, really." He gave the blond a trying smile. "I've just had a lot on my mind tonight. I thought maybe having a drink with a friend would help." The word friend hurt Sasori, but it seemed to be all Deidara needed to brighten his mood.

The drive was torturous and as their turn came up, Sasori nearly followed his urge to continue on straight. To take Deidara to his home instead. He couldn't. Instead, he dropped Deidara off in front of his own apartment complex, asking if he needed assistance.

"T-Thanks, Sasori, but that's okey. I can manage!" the blond said cheerfully. "Thanks… Thanks for going out with me tonight!"

Sasori felt his face flush and he quickly said his goodbye. He didn't even need to drink to be drunk around Deidara. Pulling up to his own apartments, he waited in the car for a moment. He closed his eyes, taking everything in. He couldn't believe how well tonight had gone. A few tweaks here and there and it would nearly be a dream. It was dangerous. Sasori had a taste of what it would be like and now he wanted more. He couldn't though, because the more he got, the greedier he would get and the possibility of him following through with his plan would increase. A buzzing against the front of his pants pulled him away.

He opened his phone to discover he had been texted. A text message from Deidara. His heart picked up again. It was a picture message and Sasori already knew that it was the one Deidara had demanded they take earlier at the bar. He viewed the picture only for his heart to swell. An actual picture of them. Together. Sitting so close that their knees were touching. Deidara's arm so casually wrapped around his neck. That smile. A picture of them. Sasori and Deidara. He felt his lust return to him, hitting him harder than ever.

Sasori blamed the alcohol, but he knew better. He was a twisted individual. He was a man with needs and only Deidara seemed to bring those needs to the surface. He was never much of a sexual deviant, but Deidara was all he needed to feel heated. It was more than just lust. Even as he palmed himself through his work pants, he stared at the photo - thinking about Deidara. Not just about how gorgeous his body would look nude, but how he could pleasure Deidara all night long.

His hands trembled, fingers tightly gripping his phone. He couldn't take his eyes off of the screen, even as he undid his pants. His fist tightened around his length, heavy pants leaving his mouth. He wanted him. He needed him. Sasori bit his bottom lip, squeezing and pulling at his arousal. He was so close. It had been so long since he had touched himself like this. Thinking of Deidara while he did it nonetheless. How shameful. He could feel burning guilt form behind his eyes.

"D-Deidara…!" He gasped as came.

His body shook in the afterglow. His cum covering his own hand and the majority of his phone.

Disgusting.

He scrunched his nose, looking for anything other than his clothes to wipe his mess clean. Luckily enough he had some napkins tucked away in his middle console. Wiping away the spunk on his phone, Sasori frowned. He could see Deidara's smiling face underneath the transparent white substance. He soaked it up with the napkin.

If only the blond really knew. If he knew what a monster Sasori really was, he wouldn't want anything to do with him. Maybe Sasori wouldn't feel the way he did. Feeling overwhelmed with mixed emotions, Sasori hurried to his apartment. Although he was angry with himself. Although he was ashamed for what he did in his car. He still printed out that picture.

The next Monday morning Sasori came to work looking exhausted as always. He was the first one to arrive, throwing himself into his office like usual. He worked nonstop, not even noticing that his coworkers had finally came in. He yawned, stretching. He reached for his coffee only to grab air. His eyebrow arched in confusion. It suddenly occurred to him that Deidara had not stopped by. Sasori stood, cracking his office door open. He could hear the mutterings come from the other office workers.

"Is there a reason why we aren't working?" Sasori finally asked, stepping out of his workspace.

His coworkers all quieted, staring at him.

"What?" He impatiently crossed his arms, awaiting an answer with a stern look. "And where the hell is Kurusu?"

Someone finally spoke up, "You didn't hear? Deidara went missing this weekend."

Sasori's stance slackened, caught off guard by the statement. Deidara… was missing? There was no way that was possible. Sasori had just seen him Friday night! Unless… unless Sasori actually went through with his plan. He couldn't remember doing any such thing, but maybe he was just denying it?

"Apparently he went missing last Friday night," somebody stated.

"Kurotsuchi said he went out to the bar and never came home."

Although his face remained stoic, Sasori was facing an internal turmoil. He could remember that night so clearly. He took Deidara home. He know he did. He could remember watching the blond stumble into his apartment complex before driving to his own. Was he just making that up? Did he actually slip that drug into Deidara's drink and take him home? Sasori had to know. He had to check, but he couldn't just leave. That'd look too suspicious and if he did do it, it was too late to go back. He couldn't get caught.

"It's terrible, I can't even imagine how his fiance must feel right now."

"I'm surprised he went to the bar by himself. He usually brings some of us with him."

"I hear the police will be here soon to try and gather more information."

"Such extremes for a grown adult. Maybe he just decided to leave?"

"After he just proposed?"

"Cold feet?"

"Well I think-"

Sasori cleared his throat, "Everyone, please, if I may." His coworkers quieted and stared at their manager. "While this news is very shocking, the world does not stop moving on the account of one person. When the authorities do arrive, please do your best to help speed their investigation along."

His staff looked to each other before nodding and turning back to their cubicles.

"Mr. Akasuna sure is cruel. It's no wonder he's still single," was what one of his coworkers whispered.

"Good looks with an icy heart. It's probably a good thing he doesn't have a wife," somebody agreed.

Sasori observed them all until each one was back to work. He isolated himself in his office, falling into his seat lifelessly. They could call him cruel or cold, but he knew that it was only because they couldn't see his deep love and affection for Deidara. They couldn't see how scared he was right now.

The police showed up shortly, making their way to Sasori's department. They briefly took statements and questions from Deidara's coworkers, but when it finally came to Sasori they made themselves right at home.

"Sasori Akasuna, correct?"

Sasori nodded calmly.

"Can you tell us where you were last Friday around one AM?" an officer asked. His partner stood beside him taking notes. They both looked expectantly at Sasori.

"I had just gotten home around then," Sasori answered honestly.

"Where were you before then?"

Sasori did his best to contain any micro expression or indication that would give away his guilt. He had to remain confident, yet innocent. "I was at the bar. With Deidara actually."

The note-taking officer narrowed his eyes at the redhead. "Any particular reason why you didn't mention this upon our first question?"

"You had asked where I was around one o'clock," Sasori replied, eyeing the bigger cop.

"I'd watch what you're saying if you don't wanna be put in cuffs," the lead officer's partner snarled, notepad crinkling in his hands.

The questioning officer held up a hand to dismiss his partner's behavior. "Why don't you tell us what happened that night?"

Sasori turned to face the more reasonable officer. "He asked me to join him for a drink at the bar that night. It's not uncommon, really. My staff usually goes out most nights. I hadn't joined them for a bit, so I guess he felt bad for me." Even as the lies spewed out of his mouth, the thought of Deidara saying yes to him being a mere act of sympathy was enough to drive Sasori to heartache. "We met up maybe about fifteen minutes after work and didn't leave until twelve. He was quite inebriated and had taken the train, so I offered him a ride home. I had to call his fiance, because he couldn't remember his own address. I dropped him off at his complex and went home from there."

"You didn't help him to his apartment?"

Sasori shook his head, "I offered, but he insisted that it was alright. Looking back now, it was rather careless of me."

The officer hummed and looked to his partner. The larger man pursed his lips, "It matches up with what the victim's fiance told us."

Victim? Victim!? How could they so casually toss that word around? Because if Sasori was innocent, that would mean-

"Thank you for your cooperation and time, Mr. Akasuna." The officer offered as he and his partner readied to leave. "Please give us a call if you have any other information regarding Deidara."

"Ah, yes," Sasori stood, shaking the officers hands before they left. "I hope you can find him. He's a good kid."

The officers left without another word, Sasori following them out. He watched them depart, only looking away when they were out of sight. It was then he noticed that his staff all had their necks craned at unreasonable angles to stare at him. With one scrutinizing look, Sasori had them all hunching back into their cubicles. He sighed, continuing with his work.

He had waited all day. He had never drove home so fast in his life. His nerves were so rattled that he hadn't been able to even eat at lunch. His hands jittered as he fumbled with keys to unlock the door.

Upon entering his home, everything was normal. All of the lights were off and everything was in place. Sasori checked all of the closets, his extra spare room, and hell even the kitchen cause who knows what Sasori could've been thinking at that moment in time. He checked everywhere except for his own room. He licked his lips in anxiety-ridden anticipation. He flipped on the lights, expecting to find a tied and bound Deidara on his bed.

There was nothing. Not a single sign of another living being. He checked his closet and even under his bed. No Deidara to be found. He stood motionlessly in the middle of his room, letting it all sink in. He indeed had not taken Deidara. Even though he knew he should be glad that he didn't, it only meant something worse to Sasori. If Sasori didn't take Deidara, that meant that somebody else had. Somebody who could hurt him - who could kill him. The thought terrified Sasori. He couldn't live without Deidara.

His heart and mind crumbled. There was no way Deidara would just up and leave! He was taken away and it was all Sasori's fault. If he had only walked the blond to his apartment then maybe he would still be here. Sasori curled his fingers into a fist, nails digging into the skin of palms. "F-Fuck…" he uttered, voice cracking under the pain of his heart.

Deidara was really gone.

"Fuck…!" He lashed out, slamming a fist against the wall. A few paper Deidara cutouts fluttered to the floor. Sasori stared at the pictures, the smile he loved so dearly mocking him for his lack of devotion. He should've done more. Taken that extra step to provide Deidara with the safety he needed. Another pang of guilt and sorrow shot through his heart like a bullet. He'd never be worthy of Deidara's love. He didn't deserve to even be noticed by such a man.

Sasori grasped the cutouts, pulling a handful of them down in one go. He tore them all down with each fist, guttural cries escaping his lips in his fit of depression. It was only when he grabbed a particular picture that he stopped his childlike tantrum. He uncrumpled the photo, the image making him fall to his knees in tears. He clutched the picture close to his chest, sobbing like he had never before. "D-Deidara… my l-love..." He stuttered out through gritted teeth and choked cries. "It's all my fault. It's all my fault." He repeated over and over. He fell asleep in his pile of shame that night, still wearing his tear soaked suit.


	2. Chapter 2

Deidara wasn't found as quickly as anyone hoped. Some considered him dead and some believed he had really just run off after all.

Sasori had rebuilt his wall of Deidara, only to tear it down again and again. Eventually he tossed all of the pictures but the one of him and Deidara. He framed that one and kept it by his bedside. It was the only thing that could keep him going each day.

Months had gone by and like Sasori had told his staff, the world continued to move on. Even though Sasori had said that, the man himself was no more than a shell of who he once was. He couldn't find himself to be anything but complacent.

Everything was so mundane. So lifeless without him.

Sasori stretched in his office chair, back popping and creaking at the movement. How long had he been sitting there? He didn't bother to keep track anymore. He took a sip of his water, finding coffee to be too triggering for him. He glanced over each manilla file with a heavy sigh. One from every worker - or there was supposed to be. A few were missing. He let out a soft groan at the prospect of having to pull himself out of his office. Why couldn't everyone just turn in their paperwork on time like he asked? Was it really too much?

Sasori stood from his seat, taking a deep breath to prepare him for socializing with his coworkers. He left the sanctity of his office and began traversing around the cubicles to find those who didn't turn in their paperwork. He went from cubicle to cubicle, collecting reports and speaking as minimal as possible.

He tapped on the side of one cubicle, catching the employee's attention. "Uchiha. Paperwork."

The raven haired male turned swiftly in his seat. "Ah, forgive me, Mr. Akasuna," the man gave the redhead a small smile. "I was just so eager for lunch that it slipped my mind." He dug around his bag and presented a folder over to the redhead. "Here you are."

"Thank you-" Sasori's voice caught in his throat.

"Something that matter?" Itachi asked, head tilting.

Sasori's eyes met the raven's quickly. "Ah, your suit is sullied with... hair… You have a pet?"

Itachi seemed flustered for a moment, eyes wide. "Oh," he started, looking down at his suit. "I didn't know it was so bad."

The redhead eyed the man's suit, the fur shining brilliantly against the dark material. "Well, make sure it stays uniform. We're having suit inspections today after all…" He reached over and pulled a stray hair from the jacket. Itachi stared at him oddly, face flushing. Sasori caught his eye and froze. "Sorry," he coughed, shoving a hand into his pocket. He straightened up, ready to leave. "Thank you, but please next time try to be prompt with turning in your paperwork. I usually do not tolerate tardiness."

The man chuckled with a sigh at the end. "Of course. I'll keep it in mind."

Sasori nodded and left curtly. He practically ran back to his office. He slammed the door shut and flung the reports on his desk. Throwing himself into his chair, he dug through his pocket. Surely, he was mistaken. He had to be! He pulled out a long golden strand. It couldn't be. It had to be a pet. A pet, he told himself. A golden retriever? A long haired cat even? It couldn't be… _his_ … could it?

No!

But it had been months. It could've grown out. It seemed to be the appropriate length.

It was just a strand of hair! Why was he so desperately clinging to it? Trying to make it into something that it probably wasn't. Sasori wanted it to be true, but that'd be foolish.

He stared long and hard at the hair. Say it was Deidara's. That'd imply that it was one of his own coworkers who did this. Itachi Uchiha. That was that guy's name.

Sasori scooted closer to his desk, resting an elbow on it, chin in palm. He twirled the hair in his other hand. If he did do it… What reason would Itachi have for taking the blond? From what Sasori knew about the guy, he already had it all. Anything he wanted - money, women, cars, etc. Everything a rich kid would want. He was a prodigy, his family name well known throughout the business world. Itachi's only excuse for not taking an immediate CEO position was that he'd rather work for his position than have it handed to him. He seemed like a decent guy.

Sasori let out an agitated sigh. He was overthinking it. He had to be. There was just no way that that guy took his love. Just no way.

Right?

There was so much doubt in Sasori's head, and it was only because he wanted a reason for Deidara to still be alive and well. If it meant believing that a single strand of loose hair was his, then so be it.

He couldn't go to the police for this. They'd think he was irrational - delusional even. And if Itachi caught on then who knows what he might do to Deidara - implying that he had him of course. It was then that Sasori decided to start his own investigations.

Months had eventually turned into a year. Sasori was now thirty-two. Deidara would be twenty-four. The redhead's investigation had ended him up with nothing. Itachi was clean as a whistle, but Sasori's rational side of his brain already knew this. His heart just didn't want to acknowledge it.

He had tried to kill himself at some point. It was a distant memory now, but he could recall it sometimes. The harsh material of the rope cutting into his neck. He hadn't even taken a step off of the chair, yet the rope burned his neck like fire. He chickened out at the last minute, unravelling himself to fall to the floor in a mess of emotions.

Sasori just didn't know what to do anymore. Everyday was torture. Any time he saw a head of golden blond hair, his heart would jolt. Of course, it was pointless. Deidara was gone.

He tried to live a normal life. He even became friends with Itachi - which originally was efforted due to his suspicions. The man was good company though. Instead of going to the bar, they could relax at Itachi's apartment. It was a nice change of pace, even if Sasori was buried in depression.

"You coming over tonight?" Itachi asked, stopping by Sasori's open office.

Sasori looked over his shoulder, slightly startled by the raven's sudden presence. He relaxed his shoulders, sighing, "Yeah."

The raven laughed quietly, "I didn't mean to scare you."

The redhead waved a hand over his head in dismissal. "No big deal. Just daydreaming."

Itachi casually leaned against the door frame. "That's very unlike you. What're you thinking about?"

Sasori frowned, "Nothing that concerns you. Don't worry about it."

Neither of them did. Sasori clearly didn't want to talk about it and Itachi wasn't going to press him for answers. They continued their plans like normal.

Sasori showed up at Itachi's house at his usual time. He was let in promptly. He raised an eyebrow at the raven's appearance. "Bad time?" he asked, slightly disappointed.

Itachi chuckled, "Not at all. I just discovered I was out of beer."

"Oh, you should've said something and I would've picked some up along the way," Sasori retorted. "I can come with you-"

"That's alright, Sasori," Itachi smiled. "Go ahead a make yourself at home."

The redhead frowned, "Are you sure?"

The other male nodded. "You bought the beer last time anyway. My treat. I'll be back in about fifteen minutes. Watch some tv or something."

Sasori agreed reluctantly and situated himself in the living room. He watched Itachi rush out the door and with a click, he was secured in the man's apartment.

He sat quietly for a minute, just staring at the empty television. It felt odd to do anything without the other man present. This wasn't his home after all.

Another minute passed and Sasori couldn't hold his sigh in anymore. Even just breathing in this place was weird. He stood from his seat on the couch, stretching slowly. He glanced around the room, fully taking in every little detail. It was amazing how little you could know about a place despite being in it so often.

He walked over to the sizable bookshelf. His hand ran over each spine, skimming over the titles. Itachi sure read a lot. He let out a soft sigh, turning away from the shelf. He wandered around the room for a bit, finding only a few interesting things here and there. It was just as he was about to sit down again that he heard a peculiar noise.

Sasori froze, unsure. It was muffled, but it definitely sounded like a cry of some type. A scream maybe? Where had it come from though? He listened again. Nothing. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Then it sounded again.

He scanned the room, trying to decipher where the noise was coming from. Maybe the neighbors? No, it sounded much too close. He glanced at Itachi's bedroom door. There? He took a few steps closer. He cupped his ear against the door.

Noise.

Sasori pursed his lips and checked his watch. Only ten minutes had passed. Itachi said he'd be back in fifteen. Should he really walk into someone else's room? He had already decided it seemed. He had one hand on the doorknob, already in the process of turning. Didn't even have the capability to be a decent friend.

Too late now, he thought to himself. Sasori pushed the door open slowly. The room was dark, the only light shining through coming from the living room. He walked into the room, approaching the source of the noise. It was a computer. It flickered as something on the screen played. A flash drive protruded from its side. A softer humming noise could be heard underneath the video noise. Itachi was burning something onto a CD it seemed. Intrigued, Sasori spared a look.

His blood ran cold.

His breathing quickened.

His body trembled.

He felt sick to his stomach. His mind couldn't even comprehend what it was seeing. He practically pressed his face to the screen, just to make sure it was really him.

"D-"

" _Deidara."_

Itachi's voice startled the redhead immensely. Sasori gasped and turned sharply. He thought he had been hearing things. Unfortunately for him, he had not. Itachi leaned over him, smiling so widely it threatened to split his face.

"I-Itachi…"

Said man kept smiling, reaching over to mute his computer. He put one hand on the redhead's shoulder, rolling him back in the chair. "It's very rude to intrude in someone else's bedroom."

Sasori shook his head, "You… What did you do with him?"

Itachi backed off of Sasori. "I planned to show you eventually... When he was- ah, well would you like to see more?" he offered. "I can stream it onto the tv." He had to help Sasori out of his seat, practically dragging him back to the living room. He sat the man down, cracking open a beer and setting it in Sasori's hand. "Wait here," he smiled, giddy.

Sasori watched Itachi numbly, hand still clutching onto the sweaty cold beer. Once everything was set up, Itachi sat next to him. Calm as a cucumber. He had to fight every urge to reach over and strangle the male. To smash that fucking beer can right on his smug face. He was angry and sick to his stomach.

Itachi played the first clip.

The video was innocent enough. Deidara at the office. It was clearly taken with a phone at a low angle. As if it were in his pocket or beside him. The blond was just laughing and joking, having a good time like always. It was short and Itachi moved on with the next one.

None of the videos were sexual or even remotely bad in nature. In fact it was as if Sasori was just watching a documentary - snippets of Deidara's life. It was so odd. Sasori had been so used to seeing the blond at work that those little moments didn't matter, but looking back at it now - they were so precious and memorable. Itachi had been watching and recording for a long time. Almost as long as Sasori had, but he at least had the decency to respect his privacy.

Finally they made it to what had been the catalyst for everything. The proposal. It was perfectly recorded, not hidden or at weird angles like the first ones. It wasn't weird of course, several people had been filming after all. Sasori was surprised he hadn't noticed Itachi though. He could see himself looking on in astonishment. A quick flash of anger as he turned his head. It seemed Itachi had noticed his reaction, zooming in on his frustrated face.

Itachi paused it there and turned to face the redhead. "You were upset." It was a statement, not a question.

"I…" Sasori swallowed. "I didn't realize…"

Itachi nodded, "It's heartbreaking. You really love him, don't you?"

The beer can crushed underneath the pressure of his fingers. It's contents exploded from the top.

Itachi was calm and helped him clean up the spillage. "Don't worry, I don't think anyone noticed. They're not as observant as I am. I didn't mean to make you upset. Let's continue, shall we?"

Sasori was surprised to discover the night of the kidnapping. Itachi had been following them the night they went out. He had already been in the bar right as Deidara showed up and situated himself at the bar. From the angle, Sasori could tell that Itachi had been sitting at a table not too far from them.. He felt sick to his stomach as the camera zoomed in on Deidara's face.

It all backed out once the blond turned to talk to someone. That someone being Sasori himself. The redhead felt his cheeks heat up in embarrassment. Anyone could see just how flustered and nervous he was. He really couldn't control himself in front of Deidara.

"It's cute how excited you are," Itachi commented. He sounded genuine.

"Please…" Sasori whispered in embarrassment. In a way he was glad Itachi had recorded this specific event. Watching as a third party let him relive the memory with a twist. If it had felt like a date then, just seeing it now really confirmed his thoughts. It was like looking back in the relationship. The relationship they never really had. What could've been.

After the bar, things took a darker twist. He could barely see even with the brightest settings, but he knew the camera was focused on them outside. Of Sasori calling Deidara's fiance. Then of them driving away. The last shot was of Deidara's apartment building with Deidara stumbling inside.

The video directly after that was of Deidara asleep in a different bedroom than the one in Itachi's apartment. He looked so calm and angelic.

The next part was sickening. The man holding the camera pulled back the blankets, exposing the blond in women's lingerie and bound by some kind of cuffs. The blond only woke up once Itachi began slithering his hands up and down the length of Deidara's thigh.

Sasori barely could watch as the videos progressed. Each one exposing Itachi for the sick pervert he was. Sasori, of course, had the distant thought that it could've been him doing this to Deidara. Sasori knew he wasn't a good person either, but he prided himself with being better than Itachi at least. He grabbed the remote, stopping the videos.

Itachi looked at him expectantly.

"You haven't hurt him, have you?" Sasori asked seriously. "If you hurt him…"

The raven smiled, "I'd never harm him. I love him just as much."

The redhead clenched his jaw.

"Jealous type?" Itachi chuckled.

Sasori took a deep breath. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't go to the cops." He stood up, anger consuming him. That initial shock was wearing off real quick. "Give me one damn good reason why I shouldn't beat your fucking face in."

The raven grinned wickedly. "So lively! You'd never expect to see it from someone like you. If only everyone at the office could see you now…"

Sasori grabbed Itachi by the front of his shirt. "You're not giving me a reason, Uchiha."

"Would you like to visit him?"

His eyes widened. His grip slackened.

Itachi removed the man's hand and straightened out his shirt. He helped eased the redhead back into his seat. "Would you?"

Sasori's brow furrowed. "I… can see him?"

"That all depends on you, Sasori."

He'd be a fool to say no.

It had been decided in an instance. Sasori demanded to see Deidara immediately. Itachi agreed, only allowing Sasori to drive with him. He took several twists and turns, passing many open fields of farmland. It was secluded. The closest resident being farmers several acres away. Deidara would've been impossible to find.

Itachi led the way, not giving Sasori much of a chance to look around. It was a family home, Sasori discovered. It didn't surprise him. The Uchihas were wealthy and could afford multiple homes. He just couldn't understand why he'd chose such a mundane one though. A simple home out in the country. Then again, if itachi had bought this house with a specific use in mind…

"Through here."

Sasori nervously pressed on. Itachi unlocking the door and letting him through first. He slowly walked into the bedroom, eyes trained on the large bed and the boy who lay in it.

"Isn't he just beautiful?" Itachi asked, closing the door behind them.

Sasori frowned. "Why is he dressed like that?"

Itachi cocked his head to the side. "He has such a feminine build that it makes him look so pretty. You don't like it?"

The redhead stepped closer. "He's still a man," he muttered. "He doesn't need to look like a woman to be pretty."

The other male sighed and muttered something about not being able to appreciate real beauty.

Sasori crouched down, face to face with the sleeping blond. It was really him. His hand ached to reach out and run his fingers through the golden locks. It had grown so much within a year.

"You can touch him," Itachi encouraged. "In fact, I can leave if you want to be more intimate."

The redhead looked over at the raven, bewildered. "You touched him… in that way?"

"Well, of course. Every man has an urge."

Sasori shook his head, voice raising. "Having an urge doesn't give you a right… a right to…" he couldn't even say it. "You kidnapped him. Held him hostage for your personal needs. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Itachi smirked, "Getting all self righteous even when you're just as messed up as me. You're not any better Sasori. I bet if I hadn't done it first, you would've. Keeping him as your prisoner. Violating him."

Deidara woke with a start. Although his head was still reeling from whatever Itachi had given him, he tried to sit up the best he could. He could hear a commotion at the foot of his bed. He pulled himself up using his elbows and was surprised to see someone other than Itachi present.

What surprised him even more was the angry man that had given Itachi's head one last good slam against the wooden floor before the raven went limp.

"Sasori…?"

It was barely a whisper, but Sasori's ears picked it up just fine. His body tensed, head whipping around to look at the now awake male. He got off of the raven in a hurry and held up his hands in defense. "Deidara, I-I can explain-"

"Is he dead…?"

Sasori relaxed, arms dropping to his side. He glanced down at his so-called friend. "He's unconscious…" He didn't let Deidara know that he could easily snap his neck if that's what the blond wanted. He had to remind himself. He wasn't a murderer or a kidnapper. He was better than Itachi.

"Why are you here, y-yeah?"

The redhead frowned, "He… He told me about you. I wanted to save you - ahem, _help_ you." He corrected himself, feeling embarrassed about his slip up. "Come on, we should get you out of here before he wakes up."

Deidara frowned, looking away in shame. "I-I can't walk…"

Sasori approached the blond, pulling back the covers to reveal the blonds legs. They were still intact, but at his ankles they were deeply bruised and twisted. He could feel his anger rushing back. "Alright. Wait just a moment."

The blond nodded, silently watching as Sasori walked away. He grabbed the raven haired man and dragged his unconscious body out of the room. What he did after that Deidara didn't know. It was ten minutes later when Sasori had returned. He didn't approach Deidara yet. He worked in the small area that he and Itachi had fought, cleaning up small amounts of blood and other things Deidara couldn't see. He didn't really understand, but he didn't say anything.

It was only after Sasori had finished cleaning that he completely drew back the blankets and reached out for Deidara. "Tell me if I hurt you," he said softly. His hands slid under Deidara's neck and knees, picking him up in one swoop. He was heavy, but not quite as heavy as Itachi had been. His heart nearly burst out of his chest when the blond wrapped his arms around his neck. He had to remind himself that it was only because Deidara was afraid to fall and that it was perfectly normal to hold onto him in such a manner. Perfectly normal that Deidara buried his face in the crook of his neck. Perfectly normal that his grip tightened on the man.

It was so good to have him back.

Sasori sat the man in the front of the car carefully, making sure to avoid hurting his already injured ankles. He got in the driver's seat, the car already have been started.

"Where is he?" Deidara asked quietly.

The redhead shook his head. "Don't worry about it. You're safe. I'll take care of everything," he murmured. "Just do me a favor."

The blond nodded.

"You didn't see me. I was never there. You escaped on your own."

Deidara furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. They were driving away now. "What about-"

"You don't know," Sasori said truthfully. "You ran away before he could come back."

"I can't even walk though…"

The redhead pointed to a farm up ahead. "I'm going to drop you off there. You tell them that you've crawled all the way there."

Deidara frowned. He couldn't understand why Saosri didn't want to take credit in finding him. For rescuing him. He didn't question the man any further. Instead he patiently waited until they were just outside the farm's long driveway. It was when Sasori was pulling him out of the car he heard a sickening thump coming from the trunk. He didn't question that either.

He let himself be carried up to the door. It was dark, so no one could really see them. Just before he left, Sasori apologized and covered the boy in dirt and scuff marks. Making his cover story more believable. He laid Deidara on his stomach and instructed, "Wait until the car is out of sight. Then knock. Tell them about what happened to you. Tell them where you were."

Deidara nodded and waited until Sasori was long gone down the road. He knocked at the bottom of the door, longing to go home.

The next few days for Deidara were absolute hell. He was the center of attention. His friends and family crowded him much like the media that tried to get answers and interviews out of him. He wasn't able to go anywhere due to his condition. They told him it would be a long time before he could even think about walking again. He lay in bed for weeks, immobile and left with his thoughts.

There was no word on Itachi. There was a man hunt for him, even his own family confused and desperately trying to find him. Deidara could only wonder what Sasori had done, but he wouldn't say a word.

There was a commotion once Deidara was able to return to the office. Sasori could hear the excited squeals and chatter of their coworkers as they no doubt crowded around the blond. He didn't leave his office. He didn't go see the blond. Yet, he still smiled to himself. Deidara was back. Deidara was safe. A knock at his his door startled him. He answered it, not expecting the person visiting.

"Morning, yeah," the blond smiled.

Sasori stared. There was Deidara, coffee and breakfast in hand. If you took away the fact that he was now in a wheelchair, it was like the past year had not happened. He had to snap out of it. "Kurusu," he greeted with a clear of his throat, "morning." He held the door open, allowing the blond in.

"It was much nicer when you called me by my name," Deidara admitted as he sat the items on Sasori's desk. "It almost feels weird to hear you call me that. It feels weird to be back actually."

Sasori nodded, closing the door behind them. "Uh, yeah." He nervously straightened out his tie. "Welcome back," he tried. "What can I do for you, Kuru- ahem, Deidara?"

Deidara gave a small smile at the man's effort. "You can call me by whatever makes you comfortable. I just… Anyways, I was wondering if you could help me, yeah? It's been so long. I'm still relearning a lot of things. You trained me after all, so I thought why not have you help me again?"

The redhead chewed the inside of his cheek. "I, uh-"

"If you don't want to, that's okey."

There was disappointment in his voice. Sasori was weak to the tone, immediately giving in. "I can help," he replied. "It's the least I can do," he muttered. He ignored the confused look Deidara gave him. Deidara stuck to him like glue for the following week. Their coworkers looked on in confusion. Sasori had been so cold following Deidara's disappearance, yet he was so welcoming once he was back. They did everything together.

Even though this should've been the best thing to ever happen in Sasori's life, he felt nothing but guilt. Guilt for the thoughts and feelings he had for Deidara. He was disturbed by everything that had happened and having Deidara clinging to him somehow made it all worse. It was someone's sick form of punishment. Deidara's confession didn't help matters.

They were at the copier when it happened. Deidara was helping Sasori this time around. He copied while Sasori organized and separated each paper into different piles. Sasori was becoming comfortable enough with having Deidara around. Then he spoke.

"Sasori," he started off casually, "I have a confession to make."

Sasori's hands froze up at the words. A confession sounded terrifying. He couldn't fathom what kind of confession Deidara would make. "Yes?" he asked, it sounding almost like a sigh.

Deidara continued to make copies and hand them to Sasori like this was nothing strange. "I remembered you."

"You remembered me?"

Deidara nodded. "It sounds strange, but I mean it, yeah. I remembered you when… when I was gone."

Sasori swallowed, "That's… nice, I guess."

"It was hard to remember things," Deidara frowned. "But you we're a constant, yeah."

"What about your fiance? Family?" Sasori asked.

The blond nodded again, his stare lingering. "I thought about them in the beginning. I thought about how I'd never see them again. It made me sad. I wanted to die." He leaned back in his seat, sighing, "I started to forget though. It was too painful to remember, yeah."

"But… me?"

Deidara smiled, "You were easy to think about. It wasn't that I tried to think about you." His face flushed a light red. "You just popped up really. Whenever he was with me, I tried to escape, yeah. Mentally, I mean. I had to go somewhere else and the only place that brought me any comfort was… well work. It sounds stupid. Who would think of work in that kind of situation?"

"It is odd…" Sasori agreed.

"Even so, it was comforting," the blond admitted. "At first, it was just me. Working. Nothing special. Then you showed up. You ordered me around, just giving me jobs to do around the office, yeah. Sometimes we just talked. You were good company. Even if I made it all up in my head."

Sasori could feel his heart beating erratically. The confession made him happy, yet sad at the same time. Happy, because Deidara thought about him. Sad, because he wasn't that important to the blond. Deidara couldn't bare to think of the people he loved because it hurt. Deidara didn't love Sasori so it didn't matter if he thought about him or not. He probably just remembered him because he was his boss. "I was a bit shocked to hear you say my name that day," Sasori admitted.

"I was shocked to see you," the blond chuckled. "I thought I was going crazy there for a moment. You just so suddenly popped out of my head and was there. Although, it was different seeing you in casual clothes, yeah." Not to mention beating the shit out of another man, but neither of them bothered to bring that up.

Sasori flushed and broke his gaze from Deidara's. "Ah, yeah. I had been hanging out with Itachi that night…"

The air went silent as the name left his lips. Sasori cursed himself and muttered an apology.

"Can I ask?" Deidara asked.

Sasori shook his head, "It's better if you don't know."

The blond bit his lip and nodded, "Alright."

Deidara didn't ask again, which Sasori was glad for. He also didn't bring up his time spent with the man anymore. Life continued on like normal. Kinda. It was different. Sasori was slowly wedging his way into Deidara's personal life. They were becoming _friends_. Sasori's obsession had not dulled - in fact, it only grew stronger the more time he spent with Deidara. He scolded himself for the things he did at night to the thought of the blond. The man was still just as vulnerable as he was a year ago. Still just as traumatized and yet he allowed another monster into his life unknowingly.

"You'll come won't you?" Deidara asked, leaning against the breakroom table.

It was just the two of them in the small space. Sasori sitting in a chair across from him. Deidara still in his wheelchair.

Sasori raised an eyebrow, "Hm?" He sat up a bit straighter. "Sorry, I didn't catch that."

Deidara pouted, "You're such an airhead sometimes, yeah." He huffed, "I asked if you were gonna come."

"Where?"

Deidara rolled his eyes, "To my place, duh! For dinner. Remember?"

The redhead's eyebrows raised. "Ah, right. I had completely forgotten." He gave a small sheepish smile. "Forgive me."

The blond sighed, "Rude. I forgive you though. I keep telling you to stop working so much, yeah. It's frying your brain."

Sasori chuckled, "I'd beg to differ." He waved a hand in the air, "What time?"

"Six, if that's alright?"

He nodded, "I can work with that."

Deidara beamed, "Good! Wear something comfy, yeah!"

"Plan on keeping me there for a while?"

Deidara nodded eagerly. "I've been wanting to watch this movie for so long, but Kuro doesn't really want to. It came out last year and… ah well, I just kinda wanted to watch it with someone and you're really my only friend, yeah. You don't have to, but-"

Sasori hid his smile behind his hand casually. "I don't mind."

"Awesome!" the blond chirped.

The redhead watched the blond squirm in his chair excitedly. He imagined that if he could walk he'd be jumping around the room. He knew Deidara was a rather excitable guy, but he would've never known how child-like he was if he hadn't gotten so close. The blond really was a brat. A sad thought occured to Sasori. Maybe that was Deidara just coping. He was a grown man after all. He shouldn't be compared to a mere child. People dealt with pain in different ways.

When six o'clock rolled around, Sasori stood nervously in front of Deidara's apartment. He dressed casually like requested, wearing only a hoodie with a t-shirt under it and a pair of jeans. It was something he'd wear out to get groceries. Only a small step up from his at home look. It felt odd. He rang the doorbell, hoping his anxiety would ease.

Kurotsuchi opened the door. She seemed surprised at first, but she welcomed him in. "You must be the one Deidara has been talking about. Sasori, right?"

The redhead nodded, too nervous for words. That last part was interesting though. Deidara talked about him?

"Deidara's in the kitchen cooking. You can rest in the living room if you'd like."

Sasori contemplated, but his decision was made for him when Deidara wheeled into view.

"Sasori! Hey, right on time!" He grinned. "Well, kinda. It's not quite done yet," he laughed lightly. "Sorry."

The redhead shook his head, "It's alright. Need any help?"

"You don't have to."

"Really," Kurotsuchi added.

Sasori shrugged, "I don't mind." He rolled up his sleeves and joined the man in the kitchen. It was intriguing to see how Deidara cooked with his inability to walk. Most of the ingredients were low enough for him to reach and he only struggled with the stovetop.

They had to stop momentarily when Deidara ended up burning himself. From what Sasori could see, the blond did this often. His arm was littered with the same burn mark from his stovetop. "Clumsy," He sighed.

Deidara huffed and allowed the man to bandage his arm. "This is why we need an electric stove, yeah."

From there Sasori was allowed to take over stove duty. Dinner was ready in no time. He helped Deidara set up the table, praying that he wouldn't drop a plate or something that would make him look foolish. It was odd sitting at the table with Deidara and his fiance. He felt like he didn't belong there. To see Deidara and Kurotsuchi laughing and chatting away about things Sasori didn't know made him feel uncomfortable. He could barely eat, but he didn't want to be rude.

Sasori tried to help Deidara clean up, but the man had shooed him away. He claimed that he did too much and that he was a guest. Sasori was forced to sit down in the living room. Kurotsuchi had already darted upstairs.

When Deidara finished, he joined the redhead - switching the lights off in the process. He pulled up next to the couch and with all of his upper strength, he lifted himself onto the couch. He pulled his legs up, folding them carefully.

Sasori tried to not seem so obvious about it, but Deidara had already caught his staring.

"It sucks, but I'm lucky it's just my ankles. It'll heal eventually."

Sasori nodded and averted his gaze. He let the blond control the tv as he tried to find the movie. There was a fair amount of space between them, but if Deidara were to move over just a bit more they'd be touching. Sasori could almost wrap his arm around him. He shifted uncomfortably.

He tried to watch the movie, he really did, but he found watching Deidara to be so much more enjoyable. The faces he'd make during different parts of the movie. It gave Sasori life really. And when Deidara would catch him staring, their gaze would hold just for a few seconds. Deeply staring into each other's eyes until Sasori would quickly look away. His heart would beat like he had just ran a race. He'd side eye Deidara until the blond was sucked back into the movie. Too distracted to notice Sasori's blatant staring.

Scenarios played over and over in his head. Reaching an arm over to pull Deidara close. The man cuddling into his side, burying his face into his neck like he had that one time. A soft tickle of the blond's lips against his neck. Sasori wouldn't resist, turning to give Deidara more of what he wanted. Getting so into it that he'd end up on top of Deidara, the man's hands tangled in his hair. Pulling Sasori down for another kiss. Then another. And another. Until Sasori pushed further, going lower with each parting gift.

Sasori had to stop himself. "Bathroom?" he piped up, hoping Deidara didn't hear his voice crack.

The blond looked over at him and then pointed up. "To the left upstairs, yeah," he smiled.

The redhead nodded and hurried to the bathroom. He wasn't aroused… yet, but he definitely needed a break. He looked around the upstairs, just checking out the area. He already spotted the bathroom. He assumed one of the other rooms was Deidara's. He looked on at the closed door longingly. Perhaps just a quick peek?

He put his hand on the door handle, twisting it slowly. A small push and the door cracked open. He only wanted a small peek, but he ended up getting more as the door opened further. His eyes widened as he got a good look inside. For whatever reason, it didn't occur to Sasori that Kurotsuchi might be in the room. She was his fiance after all. It would make sense that they'd share a room.

What didn't make sense though was the other man on his back, thrusting up into the woman furiously.

Kurotsuchi eyes widened as she gasped, attempting to cover herself.

Sasori averted his gaze, still shocked. How in the hell did they not notice that guy sneak in? Was he here to begin with? Did… Did Deidara know?

"Sasori…" The woman started. She climbed off of the male, approaching the redhead slowly.

The redhead chewed the inside of his cheek. He couldn't believe this. Being caught peeking into someone's room was one thing. Catching someone on the act of pleasuring themselves was another. But this...

"You…" Saosri started.

Kurotsuchi took a deep breath. "You have to understand. He was gone for so long and… even now it feels like he isn't here."

The redhead crossed his arms and kept his gaze in the hallway. If he were to look at that man too long, he might've tossed him out of the window. "You're cheating."

"I didn't…" she sighed. "I didn't plan to meet someone else, it just happened. I didn't think of ever seeing Deidara again."

"He's back now," he frowned. "You're his fiance. He… he loves you." How could they do this to Deidara?

"I know! And I love him too, I really do…"

"Then?"

Kurotsuchi shifted uncomfortably. "Our relationship isn't the same anymore. _He's_ not the same. I want a relationship. Intimacy. Since he's been back, it's been like taking… taking care of a child."

Sasori's eyebrows furrowed. "Then end it. Tell him."

"I just told you, he's like a child. And- And he's so vulnerable right now-"

Sasori finally turned to face the woman, not worried if he could see her revealed body. Not like it interested him in any way. "Well no shit," he snapped. His eyes glared over at the frozen man on the bed for a mere moment. He snarled. "He was kidnapped and held hostage for a little over a year. Tell me you wouldn't be traumatized. Maybe he's a bit intimidated by intimacy, but he has a good reason to be. He's not a child, he's a victim."

Kurotsuchi scowled lightly. "I-I'm aware of that…"

"Then tell him," Sasori retorted.

"I can't-"

"Then I will." The words had left his mouth before he could even think about what he had just said.

The woman started at him in shock for a moment, then stood in anger. "No."

Sasori matched her expression. "There's no yes or no to it. I'm telling him."

Kurotsuchi held her ground, coming closer. She wasn't even worried about how naked she was. "Why do you even care? This has nothing to do with you."

"You're right. It has nothing to do with me. It has to do with Deidara. How can you say that you love him, but then go behind his back and… and…" Sasori's mind and heart were racing. "You don't deserve him. If I were lucky enough to have him then I'd never let him go. I'd give him my heart and soul if he asked." It had slipped out before he could even realize it.

Kurotsuchi caught on almost immediately. The words settling into her brain. "You…" she shook her head. "Disgusting," she scowled. "Absolutely revolting. A man falling in love with another man. As if he'd ever love you."

The man in bed snickered at that.

Sasori's hands balled into fist.

"You're not going to tell him," she decided. "Not if you don't want him to know about _you_."

He was at a loss. He couldn't bare to lose Deidara again. "Fine…" he gritted out.

Kurotsuchi nodded, "Glad you agree. I'd hate to see Deidara lose his " _friend"_."

Sasori scowled. It'd be so easy to just get rid of her too. He turned on his heel, intending to head back downstairs and return to the movie with Deidara.

"You're no better than Itachi."

The words made Sasori's neck hair prick. Forget the movie, he had to leave. Now. He marched down the stairs and ignored the blond's confusion. He grabbed his hoodie and left briefly, door slamming.

In his car, he banged his fist against the wheel in frustration. There was no way he could hang around Deidara any more. Kurotsuchi was right. He was no better and it was only a matter of time before he did what Itachi had done. Or worse, do what he did to Itachi.


	3. Chapter 3

He didn't want to hurt Deidara.

So he stayed away. He kept his distance at work and ignored every attempt the blond made to get his attention. Sasori was miserable, but Deidara was safe. Eventually Deidara got the hint, and he stopped bothering Sasori.

Sasori still dreamed about him. Still kept his picture by his bedside. Still loved Deidara as much as possible. Even when at work, he still longed to be closer. To gently touch him in a casual manner. To stare at his bright smile.

He wanted to tell him everything. About his fiance cheating. About what he did to Itachi. About his love. Everything.

But to do that meant his own death.

Sasori sighed and splashed water onto his face. He had escaped to the bathroom, avoiding his own office. It seemed like Deidara was hovering too close today and it drove Sasori mad.

He heard the door open, and he straightened up - ready to leave. The intruder got in his way though.

"..."

Sasori averted his gaze. "Kurusu…"

Deidara frowned and glared up at the redhead. "I thought you were gonna call me by my first name, yeah?"

"We're at work," Sasori muttered.

"That hadn't stopped you before," Deidara defended. "Why the sudden change? With everything, I mean. You won't even glance at me." Deidara bit his lip, "Did I do something?"

"No," Sasori admitted immediately. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"Then why?"

Sasori frowned, "I… needed space."

Deidara backed up a bit. "So it is my fault then."

"No-"

"I forced myself onto you, yeah."

"No, you-"

Deidara clenched his fists. "I didn't even think about how you'd feel about all of this. I just made you be my friend and expected-"

"Deidara!" Sasori snapped, his full attention now on said blond. He grabbed him by his shoulders, "Look at me," he demanded. "You didn't do anything that I didn't want."

The blond stared up at his boss. "But-"

"No, I'm serious. If anyone is in the wrong, it's me…" Sasori said seriously. He took a deep breath, "I… I'm not really a good person and I didn't want you to be affected by my choices."

Deidara frowned, confused. "You're not a bad person, yeah."

"I'm certainly not good either." Sasori sighed and ran a shaky hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, Deidara. We should just keep our relationship at work only."

The blond went quiet.

Sasori looked on in silence as well. He chewed the inside of his cheek, anxiously waiting on Deidara's answer.

"...I know, yeah," he started. "About Kuro and him." He looked up at Sasori. "I know you found out as well. She told me everything."

The redhead's jaw dropped in surprise. "She… told you?" He knew. Deidara knew. His heart and mind panicked. "I-I don't-"

"It's okey to be honest. I actually wanted to hear it from you..."

There was a long and uncomfortable silence.

Sasori swallowed hard, words forced from his esophagus. "I… I love you…" It was no louder than a whisper. "I l-love you so much that it's crazy…"

Deidara grabbed his hand and tugged him down.

Sasori followed effortlessly. He was surprised when he was pulled into a warm, albeit a bit awkward embrace. He slowly wrapped his arms around the blond in return.

"I didn't know that," Deidara admitted.

The redhead stiffened and pulled away, eyes wide.

The blond pulled him back in. "Hey, it's okey."

"I-I thought she told you?" Sasori sputtered out.

"About the other man… and why you left that night, yeah. She… hinted at something and I guess this is what she meant."

The redhead had to fight back the unsettled feeling in his stomach. He had just so blatantly admitted his feelings to Deidara voluntarily. The blond's fiance… she wasn't a bad person. It made him frustrated to admit, but he couldn't deny the facts.

"I'm sorry," Sasori apologized softly.

Deidara cocked his head, "Sorry? What for, yeah?" His fingers brushed the nape of Sasori's neck, playing with the ends of red hair.

"For my unwanted feelings-"

"Don't be silly," Deidara interrupted. "To be loved by someone like you… it's flattering, yeah." His face slowly flushed. "I can't even begin to understand why you'd even give me second thought."

Sasori's grip tightened. "You're never a second thought."

Deidara smiled shyly. "Sasori-"

The sound of the bathroom door opening separated the two so quickly it was like they were never touching to begin with.

The employee blinked, surprised to find his boss and coworker.

Sasori cleared his throat. "Make sure I get that report in. No later than five." He curtly excused himself, avoiding making eye contact with both Deidara and the other employee.

He sat in his office, anxiously awaiting five o'clock.

Deidara wasn't mad at him. He didn't hate him. He knew about his love, but he had reacted… so calmly. Almost…

No. Sasori was just startled and confused. There was nothing to read into. He still felt like they needed to talk more though. Preferably not in a bathroom on his knees.

It was exactly at five that Deidara came knocking at his door. He let himself in, locking it behind him. "The report, yeah," he said, handing it over.

"Thank you." Sasori took the papers from Deidara's hand, their fingertips brushing. He quickly pulled away and sat the paper on his desk.

"We can talk? Most of everyone is leaving, so I figured it'd be okey."

The redhead nodded slowly. "I-I suppose." He cursed himself at the nervous stutter. "Did you… You probably have a lot of questions."

Deidara wheeled close, sitting directly in front of the redhead so he couldn't turn away. "I have a few, yeah."

"Ask away," Sasori swallowed. "I'll be completely honest…"

Deidara smiled. "How long?"

Sasori nearly groaned. "It'll make me sound crazy…"

"I assure you it won't."

The redhead shook his head and sighed, "Since… I first met you. When you first started working here. I couldn't take my eyes off of you." Apparently It was very easy to admit his true feelings once they were out on the table. How embarrassing.

"You believe in love at first sight?"

"I hadn't…"

The blond flushed. "Why me? It's not like I'm anyone special, yeah."

Sasori's eyes widened slightly. His response was rapid. "You are the most beautiful person I've ever met. And I mean that in more than just a physical way. The way you stand up for yourself. The way you bring smiles to everyone's faces. You're brilliant, kind, and funny. You care for so many people, even those who have wronged you. Even for those who don't deserve you.

"The only thing I can compare you to is the sun. You shine brighter than anyone else. Peeking out behind those rainy days. I get dazed from just staring at you for too long. Just sitting here in front of you makes me want to reach out and hold you, to consume your heat and make me feel that warmth. To just feel your skin upon mine… My only true happiness radiates from you. My thoughts, my heart, they revolve around you. My sun. You're my sun. Without you, my life would cease to exist."

Both Deidara and Sasori sat there in shock. Deidara staring wide eyed at the redhead. Sasori's mouth agape at his own words. He couldn't believe he had just spewed such things. If Deidara didn't hate him before, then surely this would be the thing to drive him away for good. To confess his obsession to the very person that brought upon that obsession…

The redhead felt his eyes burn. He pulled his hands to his face quickly, covering the entirety. "I-I'm sorry, please forget I said any of this," he muttered behind his palms.

A moment passed, silence thickening the air.

Sasori dared to look up. His eyebrows raised in shock as he caught the look on Deidara's face. His hands dropped to his lap. "Deidara…?"

The blond sniffled and shook his head. He used the ends of sleeves to wipe his teary eyes.

"Why… are you crying?" Sasori asked, confused.

Deidara met the redhead's gaze. "I'm sorry. I just… That's the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever said to me. You sounded so honest, you really mean it don't you…"

Sasori flushed, "I do."

Despite his tears, Deidara scooted closer and reached out for the older man. His hand cupping the redhead's cheek.

Sasori held Deidara's hand in his own, keeping the palm pressed closely to his cheek. As the blond's fingers stroked the skin softly, he closed his eyes and turned his head, kissing the palm briefly out of bravery or stupidity he didn't know.

The blond gave a small smile at the gesture. "Sasori…"

The redhead sighed, "Yes?"

"I know this is sudden…"

Sasori opened his eyes and glanced up at the blond, releasing his hand.

"Could I… stay with you?"

The redhead swallowed, eyebrows raised. "Stay with me… how?"

"At your place, if you wouldn't mind." Deidara fiddle with the ends of his hair. "With the whole situation with Kuro… it doesn't quite feel like home anymore."

Sasori licked his dry lips. "Ah…" His eyes downcast, "Are you sure about that?"

Deidara's bottom lip jutted out in a pout. "Of course I'm sure."

The redhead chewed on the inside of his cheek, conflicted. He would love to have Deidara live with him. To lay next to him as he slept and to wake up every morning seeing his face. It was a total dream come true. However, if he got that close…

"Alright," he finally agreed.

Deidara smiled widely and attempted to pull the redhead into a hug.

Sasori eased into the awkward embrace, heart beating erratically.

Moving Deidara into his home was a lot simpler than Sasori could have imagined. The blond man really only brought his clothes and artwork along with him. He claimed that the other things were useless. Although he said that, Sasori couldn't happen but wonder if it had anything to do with kidnapping or Kurotsuchi cheating.

Sasori cleared out some closet and dresser space for Deidara while the blond toured the apartment. It was so odd. To hear someone other than him being in his apartment. He could hear the slight creak from the blond's wheelchair as he moved across the floor. Butterflies danced around in his stomach, anxious. He was excited to have Deidara in his home. He was scared to have Deidara in his home.

He tensed as he heard the blond move into his bedroom. He had to tell himself to relax, extending his fingers before curling them again. "Everything alright?" The redhead asked without looking back.

"Mhmm!" Deidara hummed happily. "Do you need any help, yeah?" He gave the bedroom a good look around.

Sasori shook his head. "You can just pack your stuff in here."

"You want me to sleep in here?"

"Yes, if you'd like. I'm sure it'd be much more comfortable than the couch. I will sleep there instead-"

Deidara rolled up next to him. "Eh? You're gonna sleep on the couch?"

"Yes," Sasori said slowly.

"Why not sleep in your bed?"

Sasori pursed his lips thoughtfully. "Because you are sleeping in here."

Deidara pouted, "If feel bad if I took your bed. This is your home after all. You should sleep in your bed."

"I don't think-"

"Please, yeah!" the blond frowned. "I'll feel like a complete ass. I don't mind sharing or… I'll even take the couch instead!"

Sasori tried to counter the blond, but there seemed to be no winning. He sighed, "Fine… we can share the bed then."

Deidara smiled in triumph, "I'm glad you see it my way, yeah."

The redhead raised an eyebrow. What a brat.

The rest of the day went well. Deidara settled in and Sasori tried to make his home as welcoming as much as possible. However as night fell, the redhead could only feel dread bubbling in his stomach. He'd soon have to sleep next to Deidara.

He let the blond shower first, trying to stall. Seeing Deidara fresh out of the shower was a beautiful sight though. A baggy t-shirt and pair of boxers, exposing parts of his bare chest and long legs. Sasori ran into bathroom quickly. He covered his mouth, hiding his shaky breathing.

It was nothing special, just some night clothes. Sasori had to tell himself this as he got into the shower. His toes curled on top of the wet mat before the shower. It must've been difficult to shower, even with the stool he provided especially for the blond. Sasori would've loved to help…

He shook his head. He couldn't think such things, not when the center of all his thoughts was in the next room - _in his bed_.

Sasori groaned in distress.

A moment passed then, "Are you alright?" came Deidara's confused voice through the door.

The redhead flushed, "Yeah." He called back. God have mercy on him.


End file.
